Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How to trust boyfriend again?

So I've been dating my boyfriend since last October- we had known of each other vaguely for years (he actually dated one of my good friends for a while in junior high, but she broke up with him for another guy, and then broke up with that guy to become a nun,...go figure, haha =P), finally met last year at her graduation party, and just clicked. We spent the entire night just hanging out with another mutual friend, and it was just instant chemistry. But he was leaving for college 1300 miles away in august, so I didn't think anything would come of it, but two months after he left, We started dating long distance. We saw each other over thanksgiving and over christmas, but not since then.





Anyway, in February, (day after valentines day, as it happens) out of the blue- he dumps me, over a 'misunderstanding'- he thought I said I never want to have kids, when I had said I didn't want any now, I mean I'm just starting college, but I didn't know about later in life, and he said that being catholic(I'm not), with his beliefs he had changed his mind and wasn't okay with that, even though he was said he was okay with it when I brought it up when we first started dating. but a few days later, when he figured out what I had really said, he wanted us to get back together, and against all warning of my friends, I did.





I talked to my dad(we're super close, and my bf had called him up when we broke up, crying), and he said I should give it another go, because we were both to young to be thinking about that in the first place. Which I agreed with, I'm more of a live in the moment person, and it was always my bf bringing up future plans that involved 'us'- I always said to just enjoy 'us' for as long as there was an 'us', just be in the here and now. My dad, step mom, and mum also said that we were a good couple, very relaxed and natural around each other and their advice was to try and work it out.





So we got back together, and have been good I guess since then. We both wanted to just forget the entire ordeal, so agreed we wouldn't talk about it, and just leave it in the past- this is where my problem is. Ever since then, it's been SO HARD to trust him, and to not be jealous. Before it all, I never had any doubts, never was jealous, never disbelieved him, never thought he'd cheat on me, nothing.





But now, every time I see a photo of him with another girl, I feel a little bubble of jealousy in my chest. Every time he's out with his friends, I just wonder. Every time he says he loves me, I wonder if he's lying. I haven't been able to talk to him much because his phone broke about a month ago, and it's been really hard... and in a way, I feel like I'm the only one putting any effort into this relationship.





I constantly feel like I have to make up for our breakup, even though I know that it was in no way my fault, and if anything, it should be the other way. I've been 100% faithful, even though I've had plenty of opportunities, and sometimes he'll tell me about how he got propositioned to have sex with this girl or a threesome with these, and it just stings because it's just like a little reminder that I have no idea what's going on there. And it's terrible because I feel like a huge part of our trust is gone, and I don't know how to get it back.





He's also my first 'boyfriend', even though I've been with guys before, I just never felt enough to want to make it official. And part of me wonders if this is all because it's a first love kind of thing, or if it's really an issue. I don't want to break it off though, because what if the reason I'm having trouble trusting is because we really haven't been 'together'- like as an in-person-couple, virtually our entire relationship has been long distance. As a rule, I follow my heart- my emotions, my intuition- but I'm trying not to leave my head out of this.





Trust is a huge deal, not only because it's the only thing I ask for in a relationship besides honesty, and I don't know what to do. I want to trust him, I want this to work. I told him about two weeks after we got back together that I didn't trust him, and he said he understood... but I don't know if he does. I really didn't want to bring it up again- rocking the boat is not my style, and I'd rather try and work things out on my end before taking it up with him again.





Does anyone have any advice, or thoughts, or suggestions?? Besides just talking to him, which, as I said before, I plan on doing eventually, I just want to make sure there's nothing I can fix on my side first...





Please help me, I really want to make this work..





p.s. I'm sorry this is so long, I just wanted to get some views, and I don't really want to talk about this with my best friends, because one just broke up with her boyf
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