Monday, August 16, 2010

How many chances should a cheating spouse get?

My husband and I have been through a lot in our 20+ years of marriage. I recently found out he has been cheating on me again. I have tried talking to him and giving him the chance to come clean, but he won't take it. I don't know how much longer I can take the stress.How many chances should a cheating spouse get?
u have to ask yourself do u want to hurt just once or do u want years more of this hurt. its like a lottery u take it once or do u want to take it in several increments. myself i would forgive only once, after that its useless because when there aren't any consequences they tend to do it over and over again. unless he is willing to admit and show remorse i would kick him to the curb.How many chances should a cheating spouse get?
Wow, did you get a diamond for every time he gets caught?





Seriously, you must have love him very much. And am assuming that he must have other great qualities. And though in my book no other great quality can compensate for infedility, am open-minded enough to accept the possibility of exceptions.





Besides, you cannot change him. Change has to come within him. The only one you can control in a relationship is you. Just be sure that there's always a condom handy and insist that he visits your doc and gets a clean bill of health.
ounce's is good enough. if you keep on giving him chances each time he cheated well honey he will never stop cheating. i no 20 year is a long time and you invest alot of time and feeling but sometimes you have to see what is better for you. he is having a good time and not thinking about you or your kids(if any) he is not thinking about all the good and bad time the two of you have. he is being selfish and maybe its time for you to also be selfish and think about your self.
Some people just can't resist temptation. It probably has little to do with your marriage, or you...he's just weak.





For the sake of your sense of self-worth, you should tell him to leave. See a lawyer and get the facts straight, the lawyer will tell you what your rights are, with or without a commitment by you to seeing it through.





Think of how wonderful your life could be without him and his snoring, making his meals, feeling obligated to keep house clean and tidy for him, catering to his schedule. Go back to school to learn about something you really love, have the freedom to get up when YOU feel like it, Oh, I Could Go On! ha ha. Look at the bright side and don't go back!
Cheating on you....again? Once bitten twice shy, baby. Say goodbye and hope the door hit's him in the *(%26amp;%($*%26amp; on the way out. I don't mean to be blunt or rude, but once a cheater, always a cheater (so the saying goes), and your hubby has proven it. I know you are torn because of the time invested in your marriage, but if you stay with him, you are basically telling him that his actions and behavior are ok and acceptable. Is that the message you want to send to him, to your children (assuming you have them)? I know you are stronger than that and deserve much better.
Honey, you deserve better.


To be fair though, have you talked to him to find out why he cheated in the first place? Maybe, in his little world, you don't make him feel loved, he has low self-esteem, or you guys argue too much. Fixing what he claims to be the root of his infidelity seems to be the only solution if you want to stay with him. He could use some fixing himself because he obviously has communication issues with you.


It could also just be an excuse for him to be a pig and cheat.
One. One time is considered a mistake. Everbody makes mistakes and should be forgiven..but if he keeps on cheating, its intentional and he's just out to hurt you. He's not remorseful about what he did or else he would have nipped it in the bud. Don't put up with it anymore. He sees that you're willing to take it so of course he's gonna cheat! ';A man can only do what you LET him do';. Life is too short, don't put yourself through that kind of stress. Trust me, there's someone out there who will treat you better. Good Luck!
Once, maybe, if he's really willing to commit to working through the problems that led to the situation and make sure it doesn't happen again. If it does, he's proven he's not capable or willing to put in the effort - and if you're not willing to keep letting him do it, it's time to let him go.
The ';AGAIN'; is the key part, I think.


I DO believe that people can make serious makes ONCE, be repentant, and make the choice to never repeat wrong behavior for the rest of their lives -- and that isn't just cheating.


So the fact that you're saying you've had to deal with this more than once is the deal-breaker.


Good luck, Sweetie.


xoxoxoxo
Okay you can only take as much as you allow yourself to take. Do not allow your husband to make you feel stressed out. I would say if 20 years wasn't good enough for him with the woman he married then he is just a DOG and doesn't deserve you!! After 20 years if he is still chaeting you just might have on eof those cases...ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER!! You will feel a lot better if you leave him now and not have to deal with a day to day headache of trying to know where he is at...etc..YOu should not need to babysit any man!!! GOOD LUCK...SOUNDS LIKE a TRUE LOSER!!
Twenty years is a long time, and harder to end a marriage that is bad, but if he habitually cheats, then why stay married to him? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Its time to get out. He doesn't even feel bad. He will cheat again. Do you want to stay for the third time?
If he refuses to come clean, it is because he refuses to change. Cheating is in his blood. And he will not change. The longer you accept this, the harder it will be for you to live with it. The stress will distroy you. Dump him. Legally.
well, he can be cheating dozens of times and u won't catch him.. So are you asking how many chances he gets ONLY when he gets caught? I suppose that's what u mean.. ummmm.. he's a serial cheater... what's the point of making a big deal about it, he's probably been doing it all along.
';Again'; is the key word in your question. He did it once, then he did it again. Unless there are serious consequences, he has no reason not to do it yet again. It all depends on how much you can put up with.
You will take the stress until it either kills you, or you finally decide that living without him and his cheating ways is far more appealing than living with him and his cheating ways.
once. i MAY be able to move pass one time, but not two. if he's cheating twice, he just doesnt care..enough. i would end it and not waste another 20 years of my life on a liar..and not risk STDs.
Cheating has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with him. I can't tell you to leave him but I can offer an old saying: fool me once same on you fool me twice same on me.
Zero.


Zilch.


Nada.
He's parking his car in different garages but he still come home when it's time for oil change.
zero chances....once a cheater, always a cheater.
You said cheating again? I would have left him after the first time, let alone allow him to continue it.
ZERO chances.
once is understandable (given stress and things like that) but thats it...the second i heard he did it again, he would have been out!
from the word go, zero chances. you forgave him once now he's gonna repeat knowing you will forgive him. stop worrying yourself sick. look good and get a side kick
any chances at all! a person who cheats is not respecting you and that means he doesn't want to share his life with you
once is more than enough for me...
To me a cheating spouse gets no second chance. My relationships are like stud poker. Once out, always out!
We teach people how to treat us.

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